i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
