Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
