At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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