he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
