It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
