Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
