i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
