Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
