So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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