Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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