dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You ruined the universe
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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