she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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