I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
