Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
