Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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