His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
