it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
