Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
