i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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