This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
