He asked to "fluff my boner.."
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
