Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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