The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
we should paint friendship bongs
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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