Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
