I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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