Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm like, not good at living.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
