Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
