All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize