I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
