who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
