"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
handjob tips. give me some.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
