Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
