So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
We smell like vodka and hangover
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