I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
