Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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