don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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