Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
