so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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