Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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