one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
