If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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