Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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