Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
