dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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