you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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