Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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