I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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