just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
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