I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I have aggressive nipples.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
