Im at strip club and am horny
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize