Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
