Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
