you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
