she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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