why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
