Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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