Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
