Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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