i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
