we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize